Philandering man (and why every woman should have one as a friend)

EVER since I managed to get over my slight infatuation I’ve really got to know a lot more about Simon: The Man.

The first things is realising that, by his own anecdotal evidence, is that Simon is a bit of a tart who works his way through women a bit like most men get through socks.

He really falls into the male stereotype – those that can, do – and exploits his charm and humour to tame women into his arms. And he carries a philosophy that a long as he doesn’t get caught out – by his girlfriend – that no harm means no foul.

Another, which probably explains the first point, is that Simon is a man who truly loves women. By no means do I suggest that Simon is a man who falls in love easily– I think such a thing is akin to a blue moon – but a man who appreciates women in the same way that others might savour fine wine or a Cuban cigar.

A good example of this is the story Simon told us in the pub on a Friday after work. And is best told in the words of Simon (in response to the question“flippin’ heck Simon why is your hair so short?) which were:

“Well I went into the hairdressers and there was his big (suggestive hand movements, fag in hand, around his chest area) Sicilian woman, and every time she did the top and front of my hair she kept pushing up against me.”

At his point Simon mimes his head being pushed forward by giant maternal mammaries, peeking up with the cheekiest of cheeky smiles.

“Anyway,” he said again miming the lolling head, again with the grin beneath. “When she asked me if it was short enough all I could say was ‘shorter please’.”

And he finished with a knowing chuckle.

From any other man this might seem pervy. But everyone around the table knows about the nature of Simon, his one-sidedly open relationship and his honest but cheeky Carry On Camping attitude to the world so it’s ok – we all laugh. On him it’s acceptable.

The third thing you should know is that Simon knows how to compliment a woman – in a way that can really make a woman feel a million dollars.

He always pulls off a compliment with Pearl, the boss’s secretary a wife of 25 years more used to being ignored by men - managing to pick out the thing she has clearly taken the most time and effort over and making her giggle like a teenager when he mentions it.

Even with me, girl who worries about the size of her larger than hoped butt, he manages to make me feel hot - by raising his eyebrows and grinning in his saucy but cheeky way when he sees me on my way to riding in my jodhpurs.

It makes me smile – not because I want him, I don’t any more–but more because I’ve been appreciated by a connoisseur.

The philandering man.

Too dangerously non-committal to take as a lover – but this animal can be a great friend who will always make you feel good.

You’re safe as long as you remember not to cross the line…

Suze x