Women who wear white

There are two definitive types of women in the world, those who can wear white (Women In White - WIWs) and those who can't (WithOut White WOWs).

Simon's lovely girlfriend Sarah, I understand, is undoubtedly a WIW, while I fall firmly into the second category.

WIWs are the sort of women who can wear white accoutrements without stains, accessorize to within an inch of their lives, have perfect hair with no fluffy bits, can command the attention of any male, straight or gay, and generally show no signs of fraying.

WOWs on the other hand are unable to find the source of permanent marks on their heavily crumpled white linen trousers, lose earrings from their earlobes (my adorable French amie Isabelle has no matching pairs of earrings because of this) and command the attention of any male, straight or gay, by falling off of ridiculously high heels into muddy puddles whilst mid-fray. WIWs are in control, shrewd women, like Condoleeza Rice or Kirsty Gallagher, whereas WOWs are scatty, occasionally in freefall and wearing the wrong shoes, we all know plenty of examples of these.

It makes you wonder how we manage to compete really. By rights WIWs should rule the world, breed like rabbits and pushing WOWs - the sartorial equivalent of Homo neanderthalensis - into extinction.

However, I suspect this is due to one more important classification which separates women into another two groups, into which all women fall into - those with a sassy sense of humour and those without.

Both WIWs and WOWs can fall into each category.

I hope that, despite this weekend trying to chat up a cute guy at a bar (in the Elton sunglasses) with a line about having sticky fingers from a lollipop and a bad joke about Mongol hordes in reference to his travel exploits (behaviour that marks me out as a WOW), I can call myself one of the lucky ones with a sense of fun.

Of course the most disgustingly perfect and fabulously infallible of all groups is the WIW who can make you laugh.

My sister is one - perfectly turned out for any occasion, but with a perfect sense of timing and humour which can leave anyone in stitches. These are certainly not women to mess with and should be loved and cherished - for they are truly special.

Lets face it though, if you lose the humour a WIW is just an efficient dress rack and a WOW without a giggle is just grim.

The ability to laugh and make others laugh is a real blessing and can overcome any fault - but nothing can compensate for lacking a sense of humour.

PS I don't know if Sarah has a sense of humour, but knowing Simon, she must have.